he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Who died my cat blue again?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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