I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
