I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
