I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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