I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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