Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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