the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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