Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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