i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
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I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She bit a glass in half.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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