So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
