Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
