I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
