I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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