He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
