I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
