I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I checked into jail on foursquare
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
