The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
