One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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