a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
