The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
