and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There r osticjed everywhere
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
