god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
