Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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