I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
