He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
