yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
