you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
