Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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