On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
