Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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