OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
