At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
