Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
