This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
