I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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