how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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