bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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