this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
