dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
