Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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