so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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