just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize