Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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