im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
