Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
