Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
