life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
