Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
