Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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