The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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