in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i came on her dog
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
