drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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