She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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