i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
