Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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