i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize