We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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