Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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