she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
