yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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