drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
