i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
