..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
