I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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