Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
should my penis look like a turkey
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I will pee on everything he values.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
