8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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