we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
His nipple licking is glorious
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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