I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
