Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
