Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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