i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
only you would photoshop your dick
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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