i'm signing you up for texting rehab
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
